Lima Round 2

Its so amazing to me how much things have changed in such a short amount of time. When I first arrived to Lima 6 weeks ago I was immediately struck by the culture, how different it was, how different it was from everything that I was used to. When I arrived back in Lima the seond time I was again confronted with how drastically different the culture was. This time, however, I was relieved to be back in a city that resembled the Western culture in which I find a comfortable familiarity. The McDonald's golden arch literally looked like it had lights shining down on it from Heaven. I don't even like McDonald's. I don't even like Pizza Hut. I usually can resist the temptation of Dunkin Donuts. But not these past couple of days. I have found relief in the food that makes America obese. The ironic part is that once I get back I probably won't even eat this stuff. The days are still moving at a snail's pace ya'll, but I'm okay. I'm still exhausted physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. But I'm okay. I keep dreaming that I'm home and once I get so far into the dream I think to myself, "this is probably just a dream." So I squeeze my eyes tight really hard in order to wake myself up. Then I wake up and realize I still am in Peru. This realization does not bring about the same desperate feeling that it did in weeks past, I know that I'm in Lima now...only one step away from Richmond Int'l Airport. Instead now this realization just brings about reminds me of my endurance of a mental exhaustion. I just gotta hold on a couple more days...

Leviticus

So I began reading the Old Testament straight through about a week ago. I've never attempted this feat before, always a bit turned off by boredom. But I have heard it said many times, and it is a great point, the Old Testament is the only Bible Jesus had. So though we live in a day where the ultimate sacrifice has taken the place of animals being killed on altars, I still think its important that we, as Christians, read the Old Testament the same way that we read the New Testament.

So I got through Genesis and Exodus and had started on Leviticus when I was having a conversation with my Dad. I was telling him how all the laws were frustrating me. Not only because they were boring, but because they seemed to contradict things that Jesus said. I mean, after Moses came down from a 40 day/night stint on Mt. Sanai with God...he straight up said something like "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth." Then in the New Testament Jesus/God preaches on forgiveness and turning the other cheek and loving thy neighbor as thyself. I know I'm not the first person on earth to question God about these seemingly contradictions. But my Dad had some good advice, he said to ask God to show me how He wants to speak to me midst all these laws and decrees. So I did. I said, "God I don't understand a lot of what I'm reading, but I know you can still use your Word to communicate with me. So show me what you want me to see." No later than 24 hours later I read Leviticus 10:1-3.

Leviticus 10:1-3 illustrated what I've been feeling for the past three weeks or so of this trip. It is very hard for me to say this, because it hurts my pride. But I feel it an important part of this humbling experience that God is putting me through to do so. In addition, hopefully others can use my lesson in their own lives. When God teaches us a lesson it is important we share it with our family of believers because maybe something that broke us down can help a brother or sister from suffering similar painful experiences. I think I know now where I went wrong with the whole trip.

And let me start my saying I'm so thankful that I live in the "New Testament" age of forgiveness and grace, where we have had the ultimate sacrifice atone for our sins and we have a God who works ALL things together for the good of those who love Him and seek Him...even the things that weren't exactly what He would have had in mind in the first place. He has taught me so many things and brought me so much closer to Him on this trip that I'm actually thankful for the fact that I misinterpreted God's will...anything that brings us closer to God we should be thankful for no matter how painful. Not thankful for the pain, but thankful for growing instead it was MY will. I think maybe God wasnt calling me to come here as much as I wanted Him to be calling me here. Thank God for Proverbs 19:21 and Romans 8:28.

Leviticus 10:1-3 in a nutshell: Aaron's sons Nadab and Abihu presented a sacrifice to God that He didnt ask for or decree, and He struck them dead immediately.

They may have been presenting the sacrifice to God with the best of intentions, to worship Him and bring glory to Him...but it wasnt what He asked for. When I read this this yesterday morning, verses 1-3 were the last three verses on the page before I turned the page. I was immediately struck by the story, feeling the parallel with my own current situation. I reread it three or four times before turning the page. Then when I turned the page I realized my Bible had a page long devotional solely about these three verses. I read it and it was as if it was about my exact situation right now. I think I came here with the purest of intentions, to serve God, to worship Him with my life! When I say things to Him like, "I want to praise you not just with words, but with my life," I thought I needed to do something that was extremely difficult and extreme so that I could hold to my word. But I realize now that I thought this was how God wanted me to worship Him with my life, but it was maybe not how God had actually planned it out. Actually, obviously its not how God had it planned out, if it were I wouldnt be coming home in T minus two weeks and counting.

But thankfully we live in the time of mercy and forgiveness and He didnt strike me dead the minute I made an offerring to Him that He didn't ask for. He held me close to Him the whole way through and taught me things. And in the end He will definately will work all things for the good, I trust Him and know it. But as a result of my sometimes competative and compulsive personality, I came here with the purest of intentions...but didn't have the patience to wait on God to show me how HE wanted to use me. Instead I told HIM how I thought He wanted me to use me. I'm paying the price but ultimately this difficult time as brought me closer to my God.

"I know (NOW), O LORD, that a woman's life is not her own;
it is not for a woman to direct her steps."
-Jeremiah 10:23

November 4th is the date

Well I've pretty much secured a job in Richmond that will start November 14th. I will be working for Habitat for Humanity through Americorps. I'm in the process right now of changing my plane ticket to leave for home on November the 4th.

I will post later about what's been going through my mind and heart and of course when I get back I will have all kinds of revelations and stories to share. I don't have the energy to type a lot right now. Each day I wake up I am more depressed than the day before. I think its because every night I dream I'm at home so each morning when I wake up I have to re-process that I'm still here over and over again. I'll try to get motivated to share more soon.

I do know that different people will have different opinions of my decision to cut this trip shorter than plans. I hope everyone trusts that I'm following where God is leading me and can support me, I really need that right now. And for those who don't understand or support me, I can't really stress it because I know I'm following where God is leading me. And I know this trip was not a failure in any way shape or form.

Please pray for me, I can't remember another time in my life I have felt so low in this way. My only consolation is God knew this was going to happen the whole time and still brought me here. So He's up to something thats bigger and greater than my current situation.

I thought it was supposed to get better, not worse.

So I'm getting over two pretty intense days of illness. I had the epitomé of a stomach bug. Luckily though, here in Peru you can grab some antibiotics for $7 and no prescription, lol. Its sad though, in a way I would prefer to be sick. Because then at least I slept most of the day. And as long as I'm asleep I'm not immediately conscious of my depression, lonliness and homesickness. Today, I feel better. I'm still pretty weak, I guess because I haven't eaten anything in two days, but I feel better - physically. I feel worse, emotionally. Perhaps the worse day yet. I guess its a good cue when I say I would rather be sick than well because at least with sickness comes less waking hours.

I talked to Padre Juan yesterday about how I felt. I've been here exactly a month today and it seems to be getting worse instead of better. I told him that. I told him how I was sad, depressed, etc. He asked what he could do? What didn't I like about Peru? He was very willing to do anything needed to make me more comfortable. But that's the point, its not a lack of physical comfort. Yeah there are a lot of things we take for granted in the U.S., like toilet seats, TV and hot showers...but really what's got me down is missing my family, and this feeling that I came here for the wrong reason (I'll explain below). So unless he's going to fly my family out here to Peru, there's not a lot he can do. Its not that I don't like Peru. Its that I miss my family. I guess one thing he could do is provide me with some WORK! I mean, that is why I came here. But everytime I bring that up he says, Americans, you need to slow down and allow things to develop on their own. Relax, etc. this and that! He almost makes me feel like I'm being insenstive of their culture by asking for work to do. And don't get me wrong. He is a very giving, compassionate man of God. But that's just a difference in culture.

So in the midst of me telling him and this other Bolivian woman, who was translating for me, about my homesickness, they proceeded to tell me about how homesick they were the first time they left their countries and went abroad. They both agreed that though it was hard, they stuck it out and in the end were better for it. So I asked each of them, ok, how long were you gone for. Their responses, 3 weeks and 8 days respectively. So great, I've been here for three weeks PLUS 8 days and then some. So its just hard when people who can't REALLY empathize with you are trying to do so. It really brought another point home to me, a point that they teach us in social work education. If you can't truly empathize with someone's situation, don't try to...it will just make it worse.

So I have an interview with a lady in Richmond who works for the state support office of Habitat for Humanity. I have the opportunity to work there, starting in the beginning of December, as an Americorps volunteer. Its almost like a realization I had the first week of being here, before I even began to feel homesick, was a foreshadowing of what was to come in my life. Let me explain: The first week I was here I had this realization that something I was searching for had been right in front of me the whole time. Before I left, I had this assumption that I had to travel off to some far away land to be a missionary for my God. Then I realized that that's not neccesary. We can be a missionary for God in our own neighborhood. In fact its not just that we can me a missionary in our own neighborhoods, but we should be! Each and every day of our lives we should be a missionary for our Lord, no matter where we are. There are souls that need Jesus everywhere! And a soul in Peru is no more important to God than a soul in York County. They all need Jesus. The whole world needs Jesus! So though I came here seeking to be a missionary, I found that but I found something so much greater. That I don't need to come to Peru to be a missionary. But like I said, I had that realization before I even began to feel this sort of way about being here, so maybe it was appropriate foreshadowing for my own life. I guess we'll see. God will continue to lead me I know it.

So that's that for this post. I feel better having talked to Juan for the mere point of honesty. I feel like I'm not hiding anything from him now so if I did get this job and decided God was leading me home sooner than I thought, its not going to be some big suprise to him. And I told him how I thought I could work for the organziation from the U.S. and he sounded very greatful for that offer as well.

So I'll keep everyone up to date as things progress and decisions are made.

Doin for Myself

So we for the past couple of days have been working on developing a business plan for PASMOF, the women artisans of RED Titikaka. So that's been helping me feel less like a waste. But me personally feeling led back home is increasing over time, instead of decreasing. That is, approaching the one month anniversary of me being here, the homesickness hasn't really improved all that much. It hasn't gotten worse either though, it just persists. So I just endure. I'll keep everyone up to date with the business plan though. Also this week we are supposed to be traveling a bit to see the different communities RED Titikaka works with and to meet the women's groups. That should provide for some good bloggage to I hope :)

This week, I have had a couple new experiences that have reiterated to me that I am a capable human being, with God's help of course. I have washed my clothes by hand in a bucket for the first time ever. The clothes actually turned out clean and soft. I will admit I was a bit suprised, here is a pic of them drying on the roof.

Also I cooked some Spaghetti last night and made the sauce from scratch, sans recipe. And I mean from SCRATCH. I had to stew fresh tomatoes myself to even make the base for the sauce. No canned tomatoes/sauce/or paste to be found around here. I just combined tomatoes, onion, red pepper, oregano, basil, garlic, olive oil and salt until it tasted about right. I think next time I may add a little red wine in the beginning and let that cook down to give it a little more sweetness. I may also try to find a good type of spicy red pepper to add to give it a little kick for next time as well (they don't have crushed red pepper, what I would normally use to add a kick in Italian recipes). Overall though, I was very pleased and again...actually suprised myself. I don't know why I was suprised though, I should know: Philipians 4:13 baby! :)

cling to You

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKyoENBuM6A

Lord, I’d like to start by saying I can hate where I’m at
When this life is hard and situations take me aback
The fight is hard and I can hardly face it in fact
In life it’s hard to get up like a bar with weights thats attached
It really seems the situations that I’m facing is wack
I been awakened but now I’m feeling forsaken and trapped
With no hope and I’m broken open for Satan to trap
I been bothered since You Father put this weight on my back
So please erase it’s wack, cause when this pain it attacks
My weakness is at it’s peak and I’m feeling strained and I lack
The trust in You I struggle through the ways that I should come to You
Lord, what am I gonna do? It’s true this pain it distracts
But I see my only hope when my backs on the ropes
Is in You so I read through the facts that You wrote
The pain may fade away, but if that’s my only hope
Then You don’t get the glory alone not even close

Lord, it may get better but it may not
So when I pray God, I pray I
Would trust You whether or not the pain stops
So when the the pain falls, coming down like rain drops
I just gotta cling to You

Lord, You know I’m hoping that my situation will switch
That You’ll show me You’re amazing by erasing it quick
But I’ve noticed that my hope was in You changing it quick
Instead of knowing You’re enough Lord I was chasing Your gifts
But then I opened up Your text and looked at David and them
Their situations was grim, but it ain’t change them within
They prayed You’d take it away but sought Your face in the end
And found comfort in Your justice and the grace You extend

So in this life full of strife if my days get grayer

I’m content with the fact that You’ll stay my Savior

No change in my King, man, it ain’t no greater

Comfort than what’s found in You that’s so major

So in this life full of strife if my days get grayer

I’m content with the fact that You’ll stay my Savior

No change in my King, man, it ain’t no greater

Comfort than what’s found in You so please change us!

Lord, it may get better but it may not
So when I pray God, I pray I
Would trust You whether or not the pain stops
So when the the pain falls, coming down like rain drops
I just gotta cling to You

-Trip Lee

Forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

Psalm 25:11


So I'm wondering why I feel this way. If I pray to God everyday that He would take away my sorrow, my lonliness...if I proclaim with my speech that He is more than enough for me in every situation, that all I need is the Lord. Why can't I live out what I proclaim? Because I am completely unworthy.

I ask the Lord everyday to forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

Because shouldn't I, as a Christian who is filled with God's love, be able to radiate that love excitedly and with passion!? Why then, is it hard for me to foster a smile? I have the inner peace of knowing that no matter what, I am God's and He is mine. But why can't that inner peace make it to the outside. I WANT it to!! I came here with the, perhaps naive, expectation that I would love this. I think in a way I wanted to be a missionary for God more than I wanted to do what God wanted me to do. Very self-absorbed of me.

I ask the Lord everyday to forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

So yeah, I expected I would enjoy this. I never expected it to be easy. I never expected it to be nearly unbearable. Why isn't the Lord enough? I know He is. But why can't I feel like that? I feel so humbled, so inadequate. I've been trying for at least two years now to live every aspect of my life for the Lord. To seek Him in everything. To bring glory to Him through all my actions. I know I need Him, I rely on Him everyday. I would probably be on a plane back home right now if it wasn't for Him. But why is His comfort only enough to help me endure. I thought it would be enough to help me prosper! Maybe I'm learning something new about the valleys. Maybe we aren't meant to prosper in the valleys, but only survive. Maybe those without God would have either left for home by now, or turned to unhealthy sinful outlets for their depressed state. Either way, I know the Lord is enough, more than enough, all that I need. But in addition to knowing that with my heart, why can't I feel it with my emotions also. Is it selfish of me to want the human side of me to be content as well as the spiritual side. Maybe that's something He has to teach each of us...that sometimes only the spiritual side of us will feel content. And He has to teach us not to be consumed by the emotions of our flesh.

Forgive me iniquity, though it is great.

Psalm 25

To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul;

in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.

No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.

Show me your ways, O LORD,
teach me your paths;

guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.

Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.

Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O LORD.

Good and upright is the LORD;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.

He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.

All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.

For the sake of your name, O LORD,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD ?

He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.

He will spend his days in prosperity,
and his descendants will inherit the land.

The LORD confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.

My eyes are ever on the LORD,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.

Turn to me and be gracious to me,

for I am lonely and afflicted.

The troubles of my heart have multiplied;

free me from my anguish.

Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.

See how my enemies have increased
and how fiercely they hate me!

Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.

May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.

Don't wanna waste my life!

I've asked God to give me wisdom.


So I know He will.


I've asked Him so guide every decision I make over the next month or two, especially related to what I do about this journey that I'm on.


So I know He will.


I've asked Him to see HIS will to fruition in my life, not mine.


So I know He will.





But seriously, this is not what I was expecting. I'm moving beyond my emotionalism. I'm moving beyond my homesickness. That's not what I'm referring to. I expected it to be hard in that regard, I expected a certain amount of loneliness, a certain amount of homesickness. (Granted you can't imagine how much it will hurt until you're actually here, so I couldn't prepare for it...but I was expecting it.) But I came here to serve. It's been almost three weeks now and still nothing. Granted I've only been in Puno for a week. But still, that's a week down the drain. And I know, I know...its not down the drain. I've never read my Bible so much or been in fervent prayer so continually before in my life. So I know, I know its not a week down the drain. But from what I can see so far, from what Padre Juan wants us to do...I could do it just as effective, if not more effectively in the U.S. Let me explain. From what I can see I don't think I'm going to really have much interaction with the children, especially between now and Christmas. And probably not even after that unless we (Lauren, Dillon and I) get some much needed information from the organization ASAP. Padre Juan wants us to start up an English teaching program for the 50-60 5 and 6 year olds that are currently going to school through the organization's school. He's made is fairly clear that though we each have other things we are interested in doing, that's the main thing or goal that he would like to see happen. And that's okay with me. Especially as a social worker they teach us that the client knows what they need best, not the pracitioner. So if they say they need to teach English to 5 and 6 year olds above all else, I believe them. They know their situation and their needs better than I do for sure! But Padre Juan thinks that because we speak English, we're experts on teaching English. That we just know how to do it. Quite the opposite, none of us know a thing about teaching English. I knew I would be teaching English before I came but I assumed there would be some sort of cirriculum or SOMEthing in place already. I didn't realize that this was a brand new program they were expecting us to launch. But again, I'm flexible and I like the challenge. After all, designing and implementing new programs is one of the things I'm trained in as an MSW. So one thing I have been doing this past week, besides nothing lol, is trying to do some research and find some cirriculums, start gathering together resources (English books, flashcards, visual aides, etc.). I can't make a cirriculum to teach English, I have no idea how. But I do know how to find cirriculums that already exist and are research based and proven in practice. I do know how to find foundations and companies in the U.S. who would jump on the opportunity to support this kind of an initiative in South America. And I've been finding things. I could probably apply for enough grants to get everything the program needs, donated. That is what social workers do best: "beg." ;)


BUT, the problem is I can't do any of these things that I know how to do. Because though we've been asking for a week now, we can't get any information from RED Titikaka. To apply for and receive grants and aid, you have to be able to prove that you are a legitimate organization who is actually doing things effectively. Makes sense, no company wants to waste their resources or invest in something that's a dead end. So we need budgets, mission statements, goals and objectives combined with outputs (actual services delivered) and outcomes (actual changes in the quality of life for the individuals served), current donor lists, a website would be nice (maybe we can get that made for them, something simple), etc. and on and on. Nothing, they can't give us one piece of documentation to prove that they are doing anything. I mean, I know they are doing things. I see the people coming every day to learn to be artisans. I see the school they built in Rinconada (I've actually only seen a picture thus far). I see the meeting of Young Entrepenuers where people come to try to recruit these kids out of high school into promising careers. I've seen the services delivered, but I need documentation! Its just backwards it seems. In the U.S. you need to lay the groundwork and get all the administrative, clerical, framework laid before a single service is delivered or program implemented. Its not like that here, I guess they don't have to. In the U.S. you couldn't get the resources to DO anything without the appropriate documentation. But here apparantly you can, and they did. It seems to me they put the horse before the carriage. Its like the old adage: Failure to plan is a plan to fail. And I'm trying to look at things through the lense of their culture. But this is why so many NGO's over here persist for a couple of years or maybe even a decade, but fail to be sustainable in the long term. This organization is only 3 years old. So its very likely that with a good amount of seed money they could have fulfilled everything that they have to this point, but they're money is gone. One of the projects they've given Dillon (since he'll be here for 2 years) is to help them raise money to build another school/community center in Rinconada. But how can he do that with nothing to back up what they are saying they do? How can I get resources for an English teaching program if I can't even tell a foundation what their mission statement is? The answer is I can't.


They say we're going to Rinconada tomorrow. I'm sorry, they THINK we MIGHT be going tomorrow. They told us we would be going there last Friday, and then they said Saturday. I know, I know its a different culture. That they take things veeery slow. But what they don't realize is that there are other things, contructive things I could be doing. People didn't support me to come sit in an apartment all day long every day for the past week. People supported me to serve. And I don't know if that's going to even pretend to start happenning anytime soon.


Its not that I think this was the wrong thing to do, to come here. Like I've said in this and past blogs, there are so many positive things that have already happenned here. But what I am suggesting is that MY plan to stay here may not end up aligning with God's plan for me to serve Him and His children to the best of my ability.


I've thought about what I've been asked to do, in essense raise the funds and resources to get this program up and running. I can do that from the states. All I've been doing is e-mailing and calling people back in the states. Its good that I came, its good that I can see the organization up close. That will make me better able to advocate for them and for resources for them, assuming I ever get the documentation that they promise exists (though I have yet to see). But if I could be doing the exact same thing from the states, while also working at another job where I can use my MSW and be actively serving God's people (like I wanted to do, that's why I became a social worker)...then why not be doing both? Why not be applying for grants and getting resources for this program here while also doing something constructive for my brothers and sisters back home? Now, I'm not saying that I'm leaving tomorrow. I'm definately going to at least get to Rinconada and see what my day to day activities might look like there before I make any drastic decisions. But the more I pray about this, the more God seems to be revealing to me on how I can be most effective for Him and His kingdom. He suprises us sometimes. It doesn't always happen like we would have expected or even would have wanted it to. But we ask for wisdom, and He gives it to us. No doubt about that. I know I would not be having any revelations without God's power and influence in my life.


Another thing I have found on this trip is to take nothing for granted. Do not wait until tomorrow to do what you could do today because life is too short to waste time or relationships. Both are God given. As I was reading my Bible this week, praying praying and praying because I felt I was wasting time: God showed me this scripture. It has stuck in my mind and is really pulling at my spirit.


From James chapter 4:


13Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.





I don't want to waste anymore time, sitting lonely with nothing to do in Puno, Peru. I won't just accept it because I'm told its another culture and I have to adapt. I only follow one culture's set of rules and that's God's. I don't know what to do (though in my heart maybe I do). Just pray, as I am praying, that God not only gives me the wisdom to know what to do, but that He also gives me the STRENGTH AND HUMILITY to do what He leads me to do.





Don't wanna waste my life!

Listen to my profile song: http://www.myspace.com/kc2233

Don't wanna waste my life!





Amen.





Now I don't want this whole thing to sound cynical or anything like that. I'm remaining open to what God wants me to do. So to lighten the mood...check out what I found in my soup. And no its not from McDonald's! lol

More pictures!

http://picasaweb.google.com/cjlandrum/MyJourneyInPeru?authkey=EAcqFe2SdfU#

Mailing Address

I have a mailing address but it looks like it will be pretty pricey to send me packages. I really don't want anyone sending anything beyond like cards/letters type things just because I don't want anyone spending that much money. But if you did want to send something small the address is:

Padre Juan Valero
Atencion: Casey Landrum
Jr. César Vallejo C-12
Urbanización Puno
Puno
Puno, PERU

Check out this website for prices:
http://www.usps.com/prices/first-class-mail-international-prices.htm#cz
Peru is Group 9

Make sure you actually take it to the post office to mail it (instead of just sticking it in your mailbox) and that way you can ask them at the P.O. to make sure the address looks correct and that they think it will get there.

Jan Weiner might be a good source for information too!

Time for Honesty

Well everyone to be perfectly honest - this is a lot harder than I ever imagined it would be. Not really the climate or the elevation or even the lack of speaking Spanish...but the being away from my family and those I love.

I think I always had this romanticized idea of how it would be to leave everything that I know and just focus on serving God. And don't get me wrong, this has brought me closer to God than I've ever been. I'm almost in constant prayer throughout the day. Meditating, journaling, READING His word! Because honestly that's the only way I'm making it. I'm entering into week three which is when a lot of people warned me I would hit a wall. And I've hit it hard. I'm extremely homesick and sad. I've asked God to forgive me for the fear and doubt that has entered into my pysche now, and He will help pull me through this I just know. But please think of me in your prayers often. I need them.

My dad offered that this may be my wilderness experience. My experience in which God breaks me down in order to build me up. Up until this point in my life I have always relied on God for the hard times and praised Him in the good times. But there haven't been that many hard times and even when they came, I had places to turn besides God. Though I did turn to God, He was not my only salvation and sanctuary. But even given that, I have never truly felt like I couldn't do something on my own (to be perfectly transparent). Looking back it was a very self-righteouss way to live a life. It was also a very dangerous way to live a life. So I am glad that God has broken me down at the tender young age of 24 before I wasted much more of my life with that mindset. But even still, I am in the midst of the wilderness...I pray God uses this time to perfect my faith, to prepare me and build me up for whatever it is that He wants me to do in life. I am beginning to see that what I wanted (to be a missionary, probably abroad for long periods of time) may not be exactly what God wanted. And that's okay. It's just as meaningful to find out what we are not supposed to do because it brings us one step closer to what we are supposed to do. And even when you find out what you're not supposed to do, it is never a wasted experience.

It is never a wasted experience because I have already, in these two weeks, been changed significantly. Definately one of the most significant meaningul inward changes I have ever experienced. Definately in the shortest amount of time. I have realized that I took my family for granted my whole life, never accurately reflecting in my actions toward them the love that I feel for them inside. Never again. If I left tomorrow I would say this has been the most meaningful, life-changing two-week period in my life. But I'm not leaving tomorrow. So there is so much more God has to change inside of me. And I'm ready. My goal right now is to get to December 18th. I don't know right now if God would have me to come back after Christmas. I know that if He would like me to come back, He will definately change my heart from the way it is feeling right now.

I am very excited about Friday. We move up to Rinconada. We will meet with the people working there. We will assimilate ourselves into the organization. And I can finally begin to have a purpose each day. I think part of what is making things so hard right now is the fact that I really don't have a lot to do each day. I have to eat each day, I'm attempting to run (very hard at this altitude I am finding) each day. But other than that I have too much time to sit and think about how much I miss home. So I am taking that time and turning it into prayer and Bible study. So it is meaningful. And I can still show love to everyone I come into contact with each day, especially Dillon and Lauren...which is how each and every one of us serves Him each day of our life. So I do have a purpose, I would just like to be more busy to take my mind off things and to get me through this season. But Padre Juan pointed out to us the first night when we were asking him for more to do this week that, 'Americans always want to have so much to do. Here we just slow down.' Maybe he's got a point there you know?

So I am glad I am here. Given how homesick I am right now that is actually hard for me to say. But I mean it. Because of how much I've changed in these two weeks. I don't ever want to go back to the person I was before I left on this journey. And if God can use this pain to make me more like Him and to bring me closer to His will for my life, then okay.

'Bring me joy, bring me peace.
Bring the chance to be free.
Bring me anything that brings you glory.

And I know they'll be days.
When this life brings me pain.
And if that's what it takes to praise you,
Jesus bring the rain.'

And another one that people may not be as familiar with:

'Lord it may get better but it may not.
So when I pray God,
I pray I would trust you whether or not the pain stops.
So when the pain falls, coming down like raindrops,
I just gotta cling to You.'

I just pray to God and thank Him in advance for giving me His eyes, giving me His compassion, to see His people as He sees them. I know once that transformation takes place I can get over the homesickness, that in a way is selfish, and get to the reason I'm here. To serve Him and His people!

Amen.

Lago Titikaka Picture!

So there are wayyyy too many hills in this town. Seriously I have never walked so many hills in one day and been so out of breath and that is absolutely not an exaggeration! But here is a beautiful picture of Lake Titicaca (which is btw, the highest elevation lake in the world):

Speaking of Lake Titicaca...bonus points to whoever can tell me who said this quote:

'Why is your Lake Titicaca not filled with boobs and poo!?'

It sounds vulger but really it was very very funny, lol.

And here is a picture of the place I'm staying:

It takes a really long time to load images to blogger so if you want to see a few more check my facebook. I'm making a new album today called Lago Titikaka.

Meeting with the Organization - In Puno at last!

So first off I want everyone to know that I feel a lot better this morning and exceedingly more excited about the work I will be doing. We met with Padre Juan last night and he outlined the organization and what he was expecting from us. So first I will dive in and describe what he said and then I will go into what I know so far about my living situation.

The organization has offices in Puno and in La Rinconada. In LR the main thing that goes on that may be causing a lot of the poverty and disfuction is what they call the Mina, Mina, Tina, Tina effect. The men go from their Casa CalaMINA (Calamina is the type of material they use to build their houses and casa means house), to the MINA (gold mine), to the CanTINA (bar) and this is their RuTINA (routine). So basically they spend all the money they make in the mines at the bar. And when Padre Juan and others ask them why they are in LR they say because of the opportunity it provides for their family. They can find gold and make their lives better. So then when asked why they spend all the money they make in the bar they have no answer. There also is little community pride or anyone investing in LR because they all see their stay there as temporary, even though there are some families that have been there for 3 generations now. So the organization works with these men to try to get them to work together as brothers to build a new Rinconada.
The organization also works with women in Puno and in LR to help them develop things like textiles, to become artisans. They are also looking constantly for anyone to buy their products in bulk. They are actually going to Lima this week to try to find buyers and the organization has another volunteer from Europe that is trying to find them a buyer there. I told Padre Juan that I would look into how 10,000 villages finds and buys their products. That may be another option for them.
The organization also works with children to help educate them. Since LR is not recognized by the Peruvian government as a district, they do not get a lot of the resources they need. So not all the children there are in school. The motto of this part of the organization is Nunca Niño in La Mina Sin Educacion (No child in the mine without education).
Finally the organization has two main focuses in all these programs: Techical skill development (so enabling people to produce income in some way other than the mine) and Social skill development (which is conflict resolution skills and the community working together for a common goal).
One overarching goal the organization has is for LR to be recognized as a Distrito (District). Right now they are seen as a population center. Normally in Peru when a locality is a population center they have about 5,000 inhabitants. LR has 20,000. So you can see that the need is there for them to have more resources and a higher level of recognition. The problem is the people have to want to be recognized as such and certain institutions need to be in place. These are the things the organzation is working for. And we will learn more about their progress in this objective in the coming weeks.
Padre Juan also explained the worldview that people in LR have. They see the world divided into two parts: the poverty stricken people (them) and the developed world (us). And as long as they see this they see now hope in the two every interacting or any movement occuring from people in the poverty stricken part of the world. So finally another goal of the organzation is to change this world view and get people working from both sides to make a world that is better for EVERYbody.

As far as our involvement. The organization is starting a language component for the first time. Dillon, Lauren and I will be teaching English. Padre Juan will be teaching Quecha (the language of the indigenous population) and another lady with the organization will be teaching Aymara (another indigenous language). They value knowing English because they see it as the door to opportunities as English is the main langauge of the developed world. In addition they value Quecha and Aymara because they don't want the people to loose their cultural, Andean identities. In the future they would also like to find someone or some people to teach Chinese. Padre Juan said there are an alarming amount of Chinese tourists in Puno and Cuzco and knowing Chinese will open doors in the field of tourism. So I will be teaching English as my main priority, as I had previously thought, but he said that we are allowed to get involved in any way we think we may be able to help. He's open and flexible to us using our professional skills in any way that may benefit the populations the organization serves.

So the living situation:
Both offices in Puno and La Rinconada have beds on the second floor that we will be able to stay in. So we will not be staying with families after all as I had previously understood. Honestly I am a bit relieved to learn this. Once I have my laptop and internet, I will be able to come home at night...call my family for free on skype, stay connected with those I love, watch The Office and Ugly Betty on tv, lol...blog, respond to e-mails...whatever. I will just feel a lot more connected and probably a lot less exhausted to have that time each night to myself. I can't wait until my laptop gets here :) As far as will I be staying in Puno or LR? Padre Juan said at this point its pretty open and we're just playing it by ear. I just want to be where I can have internet so I can stay connected with my family. The beds we are in now are pretty nice...the mattress is very soft so I hope I don't start getting back pain. I just want to get comfortable somewhere so I can get a good night's sleep. I haven't slept through the night since I've been in Peru. Also it helps to be able to unpack my bags and feel a little more organized.

Padre Juan said he would try to find me someone that could help tutor me with my Spanish and he also said that there are gyms in Puno! So I am going to try to find one today so I can keep up with my workouts..that will help my stress level immensely as well! Also we are going grocery shopping today so hopefully I can stop eating out every meal. Not only is it expensive but its not very healthy. Puno is a pretty big city, very poor...but we are staying near the touristy stuff so that probably makes it a better part of town. If you go to the roof of our building you can see Lake Titikaka, its pretty amazing to think that I'm really living here to be honest.
In addition, Padre Juan mentioned that if we want to get out and interact with other communities the organzation sometimes works with other than in LR and Puno, he is open to that as well as long as we talk about it and plan for it in advance. He wants us to get the full cultural experience I feel which is amazing. I think on my way back to Lima when I come home at Christmas I will go through Cuzco and see Machu Pichu!

So I'm excited, this is an extremely long post so I'ma wrap it up now. Until next time!!

LOVE

Interesting Peruvian Experiences

So we were originally just supposed to stay in Arequipa a couple of days and were planning on being in Puno by Thursday or Friday at the latest. But then Padre Juan called and said he wouldn´t be back in Puno until Friday night so we decided to buy a bus ticket for Saturday morning. Then Juan called and said he would be back until Sunday. So we changed our bus ticket to Sunday morning. So that´s why we´re still sitting in Arequipa. Honestly I´m a bit restless...there isn´t a whole lot to do that we haven´t arleady done. I would love to just get to Puno and get started doing the work that I came here to do. I have a feeling as well that once I really get into the work, hopefully it will make time not go by quite so slow anymore. So anyway, I don´t have much to do today. I´m sitting in this internet cafe listening to old American music that the owner is blasting loud throughout the whole cafe. Right now I´m enjoying Coolio´s Gangsta´s Paradise, lol. Takes me back to 5th grade!

I thought I would take a moment today to reflect on some of the things that have happenned that have just been interesting/odd or just plain entertaining to me.

First, a lot of times in the restaurants that are trying to attract tourists they´ll have menu items in Spanish and in English. But sometimes the translation gets a little fuzzy. I have a feeling instead of finding someone who knows both Spanish and English to do the translating they either just type it into a tranlator or they just look up words in a Spanish-English dictionary. So a lot of time the direct translation doesn´t always make sense in English. Case in point: as many of you know in the Andes mountains they serve Coca Tea because it helps with altitude related discomforts. That is, tea made from the leaves of the same plant that people use to make cocaine. Now the tea is not even similar to cocaine so don´t worry...but on the menu they translated Mate de Coca (Spanish version) to Kill of Cocaine (English Version). Then apparantly someone pointed out their faux pas. Because kill of cocaine was crossed out and handwritten beside it was coca tea.

Then, it was time to wash some clothes. So we took our clothes to a Lavanderia (Laundry Mat). Now in Peru you drop off your clothes and the people there wash them, fold them, etc. and you come back the next day and pick them up. However I see why most people wash their clothes by hand here. First off, it cost S./ 50 (50 Soles) which is the equivalent to about $17!!! If I had put the clothing that I gave to the man in a washing machine...it would not have even been half a load. So after I paid $17 for half a load of laundry, I got them back to our room and realized that this man had stapled a tiny piece of paper to each and every article of clothing that I gave him! So then I sat for about a half an hour and picked staples out of my shirts, pants, socks, bras...everything! I would call myself one of the least satified customers of all time...its funny I guess, but it will be funnier later after my annoyedness has worn off a bit.

Let´s see...there are lots of dogs running around. All muts, mostly stray. But at least I haven´t really seen any people here mistreating the dogs. In Guatemala I saw people straight up kicking the dogs, and I haven´t seen anything like that yet. I did even see a dog that looked exactly like a wolf! I wanted to take him home. I´ve always loved dogs that look like wolves, that´s probably why I love huskies so much.

Another thing...I thought it would be fairly obvious to people that I am an American. I guess I have this stereotype of an ignorant American that knows no other language besides English (which is what I am but what I´m trying to change by learning Spanish) that I fulfill. But I guess there are people in other countries who only know their own language as well. Because I have been asked so far if I was French, Canadian and Belgian!

There are security guards everywhere! Every bank, department store, neighborhood, some restaurants, all have security guards. The ones in the neighborhood where I am staying ride around on their bike all hours of the day and night...blowing these whistles! Its so obnoxious! At 2 in the morning they´re riding by the window blowing their dag-on whistles! We asked the wife in the house we´re staying in why? And she said its just so that everyone will know they are there...so there will be a sense of security knowing the security guards are on the prowl. When I found out their reasoning I was even more blown. To me, and I guess I´m just a foreigner who´s not used to the culture, but it seemed insane. I haven´t slept through the night once and I could attribute that to two things. The fact that I can´t breath (I am so congested these days) and the fact that there is a whistle being blown outside my window every 15 minutes. It reminds me of that Orson Wells book (1980 something...) where they had installed these whistles in the brains of the smartest people so that they would lose their train of thought every 10 minutes or so and everyone would be of equal intelligence levels.

Let me think, what else?
All the food is very greasey. They serve French Fries (Papas Fritas) with EVERYthing! They put them on Sandwhiches. They stir fry them with meat and vegetables.
All the cars here spew out nasty black exhaust. I went running yesterday and by the time Ig ot back my eyes and nose burned from the polution. Its enough to make me not even want to run :( But if I combine not running with greasey fatty foods I may not be pleased with the outcome.

I´m just very eager to get to Puno, get settled in with my family, get started on the work, just trying to get into a routine. I want to be able to know a little bit what to expect from day to day. I mean, I don´t mind being a spontaneous person and I actually enjoy that to a certain extent. Being in the same routine week after week, month after month usually ends up with me becoming less and less motivated. But having complete uncertainty in what to expect can be just plain stressful on the human psyche. So hopefully by this time next week I´ll have a lot of these questions in my head answered. Who will I be staying with? Will I have my own room? Will there be running water, electricity, internet? Will the clothes I have be warm enough? Will I be able to get to a store on a regular basis? Will I be able to cook for myself so I can stop eating greasy food all the time? What will a work-day look like for me? I just want a few answers and I think it would ease my mind a great bit.

But that´s it for now, I will try to get on here in Puno at some point...hopefully with some of these questions answered as well.

Also, I don´t want to portray the wrong message. Yes it is a bit stressful having to much uncertainty, but don´t worry about me. A certain amount of stress is okay, and I´m not overly stressed. I just think things will start to be easier once I have some answers and once I learn a little bit more Spanish.

You know speaking of that, when I see people in America that can´t speak English, I definately try to help them and empathize with them (if I´m interacting with them). But I hate to say it, I have this assumption for whatever reason that they are less educated than I am because they don´t know English. And now living in a country where I don´t speak the native language I realize that is absolutely not true. Just because some people in America can´t speak English doesn´t mean they are uneducated. And we should try to help them every change we have. We shouldn´t ostracize them for not being able to speak English yet. Trust me, they would if they could and I´m sure they are working on it as best they can. So enough with these statements like: You´re in America, now speak English! That´s bull...we are supposed to be a country for people to come to, not one that makes people feel stupid and unwanted when they first get here. And we should try to find as many Spanish options for those people as possible to help them with the transition. If we are truly a country founded on Christian principles, then we should be loving, accepting and helpful to everyone! Maybe even especially the people who are in our country who don´t know English. I can finally sympathize with them. And its hard.

Okay, I´m off my soapbox...out.
:)

Canyon de Colca

So a quick correction from my last post, its def. not Cucka canyon or whatever I called it...its Colca canyon, and I just got back! It was beautiful. I´ve def. never seen anything like it before. Tomorrow I will post a photo album on facebook but I´m just warning you now, I know the pictures will not do God´s work justice.

On an unrelated note, I hugged a baby llama and I also think alpaca meat is quite tasty. Sorry alpacas...ya´ll sure are cute but you taste so good, lol. Don´t worry I still havent eaten any cuy :)

So Dillon, Lauren and I finally talked about the work were going to be doing. We are all kind of on the same page as to what we would like to accomplish in the community. I really appreciate the perspective I gained from 6 years of becoming an MSW and feel like I have a lot to offer, because I´m a social worker, that the others don´t have. But our skills definately compliment one anothers so that´s great. How do things seem to work out so perfectly like that?? (duh, God!) I´ve been going into some of the catholic churches in the pueblo´s we´re visiting. I´ve been to some in Arequipa and seen some in Maca, Yanke and Chivay. Its amazing that in the midst of towns constructed of mostely cinderblock homes with tin roofs, that the churches are still such majestical buildings, and right at the center of town! The altars inside are truly constructed in the image of heaven as they see fit. Its funny too that I just read about that in Hebrews last week so I even more was able to understand the significance of the enormous amounts of gold inside the churches...completely to bring glory and praise to God. I was listening to a preacher who was preaching in the middle of the Plaza de Armas in Arequipa last Sunday evening. Dillon and Lauren seemed unamused, I think it may be because of the negative connotation Americans have with street corner preachers ( and rightfully so at times unfortunately). But though I could only understand about 1/3 of what this man was saying, I could see the passion and COMpassion in his eyes. For some reason I felt very moved by him so I just stopped and prayed that God would use His words that day to touch someone. Its amazing how no matter where we go..we´re all God´s children and He loves each and every one of us so much..equally!

Well other than the beautiful scenery and my experiencng Peruvian Catholicism...I´m starting to really feel like I´m meant to be here (good thing since I´m already here! lol). But to be honest I really do miss home and those I love. So while I am glad because I can feel God pulling me closer to Him, I am human and I have been a little bummed during the nights lately. So please keep that in your prayers. I´m glad I´m a runner though, because I can feel it. Its like how when you´re running a very long distance - sometimes the first 5 miles are the hardest. I just need to break through the wall and grab on to that runner´s high.

Unrelated: also I´m glad I´m a runner cuz I guess I have a pretty strong heart because of it. I´m not really getting winded that much or having any problems with the altitude (so far!)...so thanks goes to God for that of course!

Alrighty ya´ll...until next time, hasta luego, and remember the next facebook album should be up tomorrow so keep an eye out.

<3

Bye Bye Lima

Well I´m waiting on my taxi right now to take Dillon, Lauren and myself to the airport so we can begin the next step in our journey. I feel like I´m going to be doing one of those akward backwards walks away from what I´m used to as ´civilization.´ You know like Peter does on Family Guy all the time. Today we fly to Arequipa where we will be staying with a family that Padre Juan set up for us to stay with.

And now its 12 hours later and I'm sitting in this chilly but comfortable room in Arequipa. I had to run out real quick while I was writing the first paragraph because the taxi arrived. Arequipa is a beautiful city, it seems a lot more historic than Lima which I personally appreciate. The landscape is amazing, its hard to describe the mountains because I've never seen anything like it before. I've decided the Blue Ridge Mountains are not really mountains, lol.

I'm getting to the point where I can understand the gist of what people are saying in Spanish but its hard for me to know how to speak anything. I have noticed that words I learned in middle and high school Spanish are randomly coming back to memory. So thats good but I still have a very long road ahead to pick up this language. I'll get there though...I can do all things through He who gives me strength, including learning a new language!

The air is is a bit thinner and dryer I have noticed. We're at right around 2500 meters. I feel the dry air in my nose, it feels really sensitive. I also notice that I get out of breath easily. We (and by "we" I mean Dillon) talked to Padre Juan tonight. He said we should actually stay in Arequipa until Saturday because he is about to leave Puno and won't be back until then. Alfredo, the guy we are staying with here, said that would be no problem. He is a friend of Juan's and used to work with him. So I think at some point this week we are going to do a two-day tour of Cucka Canyon (I may have spelled that correctly). Its supposed to be the deepest canyon in South America, deeper than the grand canyon! So that should be fun, there's tons of cool things to do around here (much more than in Lima). So I don't think I'll mind staying here all week. Plus we are staying here for free! Always a plus :)

Well I'ma head off to bed now...pray that God keeps giving me the words to say.

Night!

Will have album up on facebook and myspace

ALPACA YOU IN A MINUTE!

I'm going to go ahead and make a photo album on my facebook and myspace accounts before I leave Lima. So I'll probably do it either Saturday or Sunday morning. Just to let ya'll know. But I did really quick want to post a couple pictures of a hairless dog that I pet today. We visited some Incan ruins that are located right here in Lima today. The tour guides, who live on the archealogical site I believe, have these pet dogs that are the same dogs the Incan civilizations had. The dogs are so ugly they're cute! lol That was the highlight of today. I went running this morning with my English running partner and did a lot of walking around the city. Getting ready to go out to eat with some other people from the hostel...we all hung out last night as well. I don't know if all hostels are this cool but this hostel is just filled to capacity with friendly people, including the two people who run the place - Pedro and Christian. Both of them are trying to help me with my Spanish. Its just so much fun to meet new people, especially new people from other counties just because they have a whole new veiwpoint to offer, its like a whole other layer of uniqueness on top of how different all people are from one another. Its great. I'm thoroughly enjoying it and I can't wait to meet my family that I'm going to be staying with. Enjoy the few pics below:

People at the hostel...
El perro sin pelo

Lima Days 1 and 2

Well in the past two days I´ve tried a lot of new foods. Ceviche, of course, is a Peruvian classic. Squid, fish, mussels and shrimp all cooked with by the acidity of the lime juice that they marinate in. Topped with red onions and served with a bit of corn and sweet potatoe. It was good, I was thrown off by the the texture of the squid...and the fact that I could still see his suction cups...wait a minute. Do squid have suction cups. I don´t know it may have been a little octupus...oh well. I´m not a marine biologist I suppose. I had my first pisco sour last night of course. It tasted like a really strong margarita with froth on top. Then today I had some lomo saltado. Its a very good beef dish, the meat is cooked with tomatoes, onions and a lot of cilantro which I was a fan of. Odd though that it was served on top of papas fritas (french fries) with rice on the side. Seemed like a lot of starch. I also tried Inca Kola. Peruvians´favorite soda. I wasnt a huge fan. It tasted like bubble gum flavored soda. Very sweet too. I talked to Christian, one of the hostel owners, who said that peruvian cuisine has a lot of potatoes and rice and a lot of sugar. I wonder if they have a problem with diabetes here...

The picture above is of the Pacific Coast. Lima is right on the coast and Miraflores, the neighborhood I am staying in in Lima, is the area neighboring the playa (beach). The next picture is a close up of the shoreline. There is no sand, at least on these beaches, just these beautiful river rocks. Although I guess in this instance they´re not ´river´rocks. I understand that the surf and tide constantly washing back and forth over the rocks is what makes them so round and smooth, but they are also embedded into the sides of the cliffs which makes you wonder if at one point, the cliffs were actually the shoreline. Either way the sound of the tide rushing back off the rocks into the ocean sounds like someone pouring gravel down a tin roof, its amazing how loud it is, almost hypnotizing.

The exciting thing I did tonight was go parasailing. I didn´t realize how huge Lima is...I could not see and end to´what looked like a downtown....and I was pretty high. It was definately a rush but I was a little let down because I thought we would jump off the cliff and then catch then wind. In reality the wind just picked us up so we floated off the cliff. Then later Dillon reminding me that jumping off a cliff and the parachuting was called base jumping and is probably not something I should try. Lol, I agreed...skydiving sounds fun though! To get an idea as to how high I was check out the pictures and keep in mind: the only thing holding me to the chute is a harness! I´m glad I didn´t drop my camera!

I´m Here!!!

Well I made it here! My baggage didn´t :( but I did at least so I´m thankful for that. The airline will deliver my bag to the hostel that I´m staying at tomorrow morning though so don´t worry too much...

I have sighed so many times in the last 12 hours. I´m just trying to soak it all in. This still feels somewhat surreal. The first thing I learned is that I can not understand or speak Spanish as well as I thought I could. I think also I´m hesitant to say anything because I lack the confidence that I understand the person correctly and the confidence that I won´t sound like an idiot should I try to respond.

But its a cloudy chilly day here in Miraflores, Lima, Peru. It smells like gas, like when you´re behind a dump truck at a stop light and he takes off and blows all the black exhaust into your face. My hostel is blocks from the Pacific, its amazing how there are mountains just protruding out of the ocean all along the coast...like little mini-islands in the making. I just had an empanada for breakfast (a mini pie type pastry filled with minced meat and onions, but the dough is mildly sweet and its topped with powdered sugar). It wasn´t bad but I don´t think I could eat one everyday. I learned at breakfast that when I ask for water I must ask for agua sin gas or I will get seltzer water. And now I´m back at the hostel waiting on 10:00 so I can check into my room and go to sleep! I´m exhausted, needless to say I didn´t get much sleep on the three seperate planes I was on last night. I will be in Lima until the 21st at which point Lauren, Dillon and I will fly to Arequipa. I met up with Lauren at the airport and noticed that Dillon signed into the hostel last night so we´re all here safely, that´s a blessing.

Also, I am renting a cell phone here in Peru. It costs me $1.49/minute to call back home but I get free incoming calls. If you´re interested the number is 51 1 9957-18493. 51 is Peru´s country code and 1 is Lima´s area code. If you´re going to make an international call from the U.S. you must dial 011 first. Supposedly the phone works everywhere in Peru but I guess we´ll just have to see once I´m at 16,500 feet how true that statement is.

All is well on my end, I´m in a very touristy part of Lima so its very safe I´m told (by Pedro, the hostel owner). Feel free to call me or comment on a blog post or e-mail me. I should be able to access the internet daily at least until the 21st. This is the very beginning of something big and exciting, but right now I feel a little overwhelmed, to the point where I´m not thinking about it...just praying to God for strength. A specific prayer need I have right now is that I can really start to pick up this language and have the confidence to trust my comphrehension and ability to speak it.

Until next time, Hasta Luego.

Soli Deo Gloria

So I was sitting in church crying this morning. I was crying as I sang a that I meant with all my heart; a song that I can remember singing as from an empty heart years ago when I was still lost. However I realized that they weren't tears of sadness. It surprised me. I thought I would be sad because I know I'm going to miss my family and friends very much. And I will miss them, but the tears were tears of joy and peace. Joy and Peace because I can see how far I've come...and I know I've only come this far because God loved me enough to pursue me, yet while I was living a life against Him, and He convicted me in my sin. The Joy and Peace that only comes in knowing God and knowing that you're "doin' your darnedness" to live out His will.

The joy comes from the knowledge that God is directing my life. When I look at who I was even two years ago, it truly is a miracle that I am about to depart on this life-changing sojourn. Not only is it a miracle but it is a divine miracle, direct evidence of power, grace and mercy that can only be from our God. It is with great humility that I go to Peru, the fact that God is even using me at all leaves me speechless when I really stop to think about it.

The peace comes from a deep faith in my God. I trust Him that He will not only direct my paths (Proverbs 3:5-6) so that I do not worry about what's ahead, but He follows behind me as well seeking to impart his goodness and mercy on my life (Psalms 23:6). And I know these things are true not only because of the scriptures, but more-so because I have seen the scriptures lived out in my own life. He has never let me down so far. Name one other thing to me in this world that never has and never will let me down...I know I can't think of it. Solus Christus!

Don't Worry About Me!

This is the prayer I pray for myself of course...but even more I pray for my friends and family that will be back in America thinking about me and praying for me. I appreciate you prayers...and NEED them. Every time you think of me please pray for my safety and for God's will to come to pass. But once you pray about it...leave it at the altar. Don't worry about me!

Dear God, You have instructed me to not be anxious, worrisome, or overly concerned for any thing...but instead, to bring everything to You in prayer and thanksgiving. If I do this, You have promised me that Your peace, which passes all understanding, shall keep my heart and mind through Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6-7). I come to You now for myself, my family, my brothers and sisters in Christ, and for those who suffer so much due to anxiety and depression. I pray that You will fill us with Your peace; that You will touch our minds and remind us that we do not need to worry. You are our God and maker. You will handle it for us. Worrying does no good. Help us to realize Lord God, that worry blocks what we need to see or hear coming from You. May we lean on You, talk with You, and spend time in Your Word and before the throne of grace. May we fellowship with other Christians, those who will encourage us, even more so as the day approaches. Right now, this day, we give You our concerns and ask that You will work out all to our good and Your glory. Thank You, Father, for loving us and carrying our burdens. Thank You, Father, for providing our needs. Thank You, Father, for Jesus Christ our Savior and the hope He has given. For it is in His name I pray, Amen.

In other words: If you're gonna pray, don't worry. If you're gonna worry, don't pray. But please choose option A - prayer without worry!






(thanks baby for this prayer :) muah!)

If you really want to see where I'm going

To be honest with everyone, I feel like I've kind of glossed over where I'm going. Painted kind of a vague but optimistic picture of the region. Honestly there are very bad things that go on in La Rinconada. My first response to learning about these things was to not share it with anyone because I didn't want friends and family to worry about me. But I have realized that I want people to see so that they can pray for me. I do not doubt the power of prayer. Jesus told us that whatever we ask God in His name will be granted in order to glorify the son. (John 16:22-24)

So here it is, the unedited La Rinconada:

(Keep in mind this is from 2003)
http://www.alternativechannel.tv/achannel/videos/dev_tv_agency/LA_RINCONADA_glacier_gold/220/

(See bottom of page, "The Cost of Building a Village with Gold")
http://www.clwr.org/news/5c1-briefs-display.php?catid=5&recordid=84

(Some pics of the kiddies)
http://ourworld.worldlearning.org/site/News2?page=NewsArticle&id=8467

(about the altitude)
http://hypertextbook.com/facts/2005/MoniqueAnthony.shtml

(About Red Titikaka Institute of Education and Communication, the non-profit I'll be working for)
http://translate.google.com/translate?hl=en&sl=es&u=http://www.computrabajo.com.pe/bt-empd-redt.htm&sa=X&oi=translate&resnum=1&ct=result&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dred%2Btitikaka%2Binstituto%2Bde%2Beducacion%2By%2Bcomunicacion%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DG

Well that's good for now...if I find anything else before I go I'll let ya'll know. But you know once I'm there I'll be able to tell you about it myself :)

I am going to miss my family very much.

The beautiful thing about God is that he loves me so much he would never ask me to choose between Him and my loved ones. Yes I'm going to Peru for awhile...but I will still pray for my parents, my grandparents, my sisters...everyone in my family...everyday. And they will still pray for me. I will still think about them every day and they will still think about me. I will still love them every day and they will still love me. In the end I will still be a daughter, niece, sister, friend and my parents will still be my parents, my sisters will still be my sisters...and so on. And God willing we will all still be here at the end of a year...I'm not leaving forever :)

Plus, I lay things like my family at the altar knowing good and well that they are in God's hands. I trust God to take care of them. They don't need me physically nearby to be taken care of, they need God's love and protection. And I know that that's exactly what they'll get. Though I would like my world back home to stop when I leave, I know it doesn't :) It will still be here when I get back. I say these things not only to shed light for all ya'll on what thoughts are going through my mind...but also to reassure myself.

Its just that, given how God has ALWAYS been there for me...even when NO one else was...how can I now, when He is asking me to do this, how could I now say no and choose the things I'll miss over him. How could I choose things that He GAVE me over Him. I can't and I won't.
Whew...less than a week ya'll.

Prayer Please! :)

Please please please pray for me. Pray that God will bring me closer to Him b/c I know I'm going to need Him more than ever! Pray that God will keep my heart and ears open to hear His word His will for my life. Pray that God will set-up divine interactions, that is...whomever He would have me come into contact with, let it be so...and then pray that He give me words to speak. Pray that He keeps my sole motivation for going as: to further His kingdom, to share His love and to glorify Him! Pray that he makes me and molds me into the person He wants me to be, even if that's not the person that I necessarily want to be. Finally pray that He keeps my family while I'm gone, and returns me safely to them when it is His will for me to return home.

Thank-you!
Love in Christ,
Always.

My Firstgiving Page

The fundraising does not stop once I leave, I will still have monthly living expense needs and probably unexpected expenses that arise :/ Just an FYI:

Let us Hold Firmly to the Faith we Profess.

Hebrews Chapter 4

Jesus the Great High Priest

14Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. 16Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

When I think about leaving my family and all that I know to go to Peru, I often remind myself of Jesus' disciples, and how He asked them to get up from where they were, to leave everything, and to follow Him. Its a good comparison and reminds me of the obedience I need to strive for, but it is not all that comforting.

What is comforting is knowing that there is someone that loves me, someone that is with me all the time...and that someone has experienced this exact feeling of emotion that I am feeling right now. Think about it, doesn't it always help when you're going through something...to get assurance from a friend who's gone through the same thing? If they've gone through the same thing, there's some sort of comfort we find knowing that they've been there and have made it out the other side. They can identify with the same things we're going through, they can offer advice on how they coped with things. You can imagine. Well now imagine that that friend, who's been there, is the omnipotent creator of the universe.

When God took on human form and became Jesus Christ, he did indeed experience every human emotion that weighs us down - he felt loss, he felt love, he felt misery, he felt anxiety, he felt restlessness and so on and so on. But in addition to this, He actually experienced nearly the same exact scenario I find myself facing. When he began his ministry at the age of 30, Jesus too had to leave His life and His family. He left everything He had known and had grown accustomed to. Just as I am about to do. But He knew He would never be alone...because His Father would always be right there at His side with His every emotion He would feel and decision He would make. So I find comfort in the fact that I too have the same Father at my side every step of my journey. And I also find comfort in knowing I have a Savior, a Lord, that has gone through every emotion I feel...so He can be there for me all the more.

Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there...

Genesis 22

Abraham Tested

1 Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, "Abraham!"
"Here I am," he replied.

2 Then God said, "Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about."

3 Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about. 4 On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. 5 He said to his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you."

6 Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together, 7 Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, "Father?"
"Yes, my son?" Abraham replied.
"The fire and wood are here," Isaac said, "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?"

8 Abraham answered, "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son." And the two of them went on together.

9 When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. 10 Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. 11 But the angel of the LORD called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham!"
"Here I am," he replied.

12 "Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son."

13 Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram ^[a] caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. 14 So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. And to this day it is said, "On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided."

15 The angel of the LORD called to Abraham from heaven a second time 16 and said, "I swear by myself, declares the LORD, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, 17 I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, 18 and through your offspring ^[b] all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me."

God never intended for Abraham to kill his son Isaac, but Isaac was the one thing that Abraham could have loved more than God.

2 lessons here:

1. Anything you love more than God, it is worth it to get rid of it no matter what the price or how much pain it will cause, because there is nothing earthly that is worth jeopordizing your relationship with God or worth being disobedient to God - real talk.

But the lesson that relates to my journy to Peru is this:

2. God wanted to see that there was nothing that he loved more than God, there was nothing that he was willing to put before his relationship with and obedience to God.

By going to Moriah, with the full intention of obeying God and sacrificing Isaac, Abraham was not only showing his obedience and love for God, but he was also showing his trust and faith in God. No doubt Abraham was heart broken, confused, hurt...all of the above. First God had him wait until he was darn near 100 years old to even have a son, and then God was asking Him to kill this son...this long anticipated son whom he loved so so much. But through all these painful emotions Abraham was experiencing, he knew that God would provide for Him, he trusted in God's master plan, he knew that in the end being obedient to God would be more beneficial to him than not.

Now I am in no way saying that going to Peru will be as hard and having to personally turn my only child into a human sacrifice. And I am in no way comparing myself or my faithfullness/obedience to God to that of Abraham's. But I am suggesting that all the things I will miss when I go to Peru, are not worth me staying if God is asking me to go. Yes I will miss my family very much...but I belong to God before I belong to my parents. Yes I will miss my friends and may be lonely from time to time. But in God I find all the love and companionship that I would ever need in a lifetime. Yes I will miss being able to run everyday, yes I will miss my tv shows (especially the Office and Desperate Housewives! lol), yes I will miss certain foods and other comforts of living middle class in America...but if God is telling me that right now in my life I need to go to Peru, there is nothing that is valuable enough to keep me here. Because in the end ya'll...and I mean this with all my heart...knowing God personally, and feeling His love for me on a daily basis is all I could ever need here on earth. And whatever it takes for me to know Him more intimately and serve Him more passionately...well that is what I'm willing to do.

Because I've lived my life in a way that fulfilled my fleshly desires and I did fulfill them - but still felt empty and sometimes more dissatisfied than before. I've relied upon myself only - and I've let myself down...over and over! I've tried to lead a good life and be a "good person," but I found I am motivated by selfishness and down right disgusting desires...so bad that if a saviour does not come and intercede on my behalf...I'm screwed. Its a good thing God loved me through all this, and when I finally gave up and and turned my life and hear over to Him and His plan, I found open loving arms and type of freedom that I would have never expected to gain from submission.

So that may have gotten a little off topic but its where God led to to write, its my heart open for you to read.

Enough with the anticipation already!

So I am less than three weeks away from my departure date of September 16th. I have known I was going to be going to Peru since April. I have been through a myriad of emotions and thoughts about this journey God is leading me on.

I started off as totally excited because in theory...this is very exciting. Once the summer started coming to a close, once I started finalizing travel plans, once it started to really sink in that I'm about to leave everything that I've ever known to be a culture...then the excitement turned into a bit of anxiety.

Let me recap for anyone who may not know exactly what's going on:
Most of the time we can look back in our lives and see where certain chapters ended and others began. I feel a new kind of anticipation that I've never really felt before - I can see a new chapter getting ready to begin. And this isn't the type of chapter where one ends and the next one picks up where the previous one left off on the page before. This is like an entirely new section of the book, the kind that calls for a blank page to seperate one chapter from the next. So that there is no question in the readers mind that when they begin the next chapter, there will be significantly different circumstances in the life of the protagonist.
I am moving to La Rinconada, Peru. La Rinconada is a village that at 16,730 feet above sea level, is the highest permanent human settlement in the world. A village that is a 6 hour car ride from the nearest town (Puno, Peru). I am moving there to offer what I can to the indigenous Peruvians of La Rinconada, knowing good and well that what they will offer me will be exceedingly more.
Specifically, I will be teaching English to elementary school-aged children while learning Spanish myself. I will be living with a family in La Rinconada. I will be relying on and growing closer and closer to my Lord. Other than that, my heart and mind will be open to what God has in store for me.

There is no question in my mind that this is where God would have me to go. I prayed and prayed for God to send me wherever He needed me to go...and I would go. And now its time for me to pray with my feet, in other words - I'm going to go.

The enemy (aka the devil) will always enter doubt into our minds and anything else to derail us when he knows that we are really furthering God's kingdom through love. And doubt and fear have definately been two emotions that have passed through my head. God has spoken to me through his word to calm my anxieties and cleanse me of my doubts. Two passages of scripture specifically have been especially meaningful and I will do whole blogs on each of them in the days/weeks to come. Those two passages are: Genesis 22:1-19 and Hebrews 4:14-16.

So stay tuned ya'll...God's fixin' to do some amazing things!