Don't wanna waste my life!

I've asked God to give me wisdom.


So I know He will.


I've asked Him so guide every decision I make over the next month or two, especially related to what I do about this journey that I'm on.


So I know He will.


I've asked Him to see HIS will to fruition in my life, not mine.


So I know He will.





But seriously, this is not what I was expecting. I'm moving beyond my emotionalism. I'm moving beyond my homesickness. That's not what I'm referring to. I expected it to be hard in that regard, I expected a certain amount of loneliness, a certain amount of homesickness. (Granted you can't imagine how much it will hurt until you're actually here, so I couldn't prepare for it...but I was expecting it.) But I came here to serve. It's been almost three weeks now and still nothing. Granted I've only been in Puno for a week. But still, that's a week down the drain. And I know, I know...its not down the drain. I've never read my Bible so much or been in fervent prayer so continually before in my life. So I know, I know its not a week down the drain. But from what I can see so far, from what Padre Juan wants us to do...I could do it just as effective, if not more effectively in the U.S. Let me explain. From what I can see I don't think I'm going to really have much interaction with the children, especially between now and Christmas. And probably not even after that unless we (Lauren, Dillon and I) get some much needed information from the organization ASAP. Padre Juan wants us to start up an English teaching program for the 50-60 5 and 6 year olds that are currently going to school through the organization's school. He's made is fairly clear that though we each have other things we are interested in doing, that's the main thing or goal that he would like to see happen. And that's okay with me. Especially as a social worker they teach us that the client knows what they need best, not the pracitioner. So if they say they need to teach English to 5 and 6 year olds above all else, I believe them. They know their situation and their needs better than I do for sure! But Padre Juan thinks that because we speak English, we're experts on teaching English. That we just know how to do it. Quite the opposite, none of us know a thing about teaching English. I knew I would be teaching English before I came but I assumed there would be some sort of cirriculum or SOMEthing in place already. I didn't realize that this was a brand new program they were expecting us to launch. But again, I'm flexible and I like the challenge. After all, designing and implementing new programs is one of the things I'm trained in as an MSW. So one thing I have been doing this past week, besides nothing lol, is trying to do some research and find some cirriculums, start gathering together resources (English books, flashcards, visual aides, etc.). I can't make a cirriculum to teach English, I have no idea how. But I do know how to find cirriculums that already exist and are research based and proven in practice. I do know how to find foundations and companies in the U.S. who would jump on the opportunity to support this kind of an initiative in South America. And I've been finding things. I could probably apply for enough grants to get everything the program needs, donated. That is what social workers do best: "beg." ;)


BUT, the problem is I can't do any of these things that I know how to do. Because though we've been asking for a week now, we can't get any information from RED Titikaka. To apply for and receive grants and aid, you have to be able to prove that you are a legitimate organization who is actually doing things effectively. Makes sense, no company wants to waste their resources or invest in something that's a dead end. So we need budgets, mission statements, goals and objectives combined with outputs (actual services delivered) and outcomes (actual changes in the quality of life for the individuals served), current donor lists, a website would be nice (maybe we can get that made for them, something simple), etc. and on and on. Nothing, they can't give us one piece of documentation to prove that they are doing anything. I mean, I know they are doing things. I see the people coming every day to learn to be artisans. I see the school they built in Rinconada (I've actually only seen a picture thus far). I see the meeting of Young Entrepenuers where people come to try to recruit these kids out of high school into promising careers. I've seen the services delivered, but I need documentation! Its just backwards it seems. In the U.S. you need to lay the groundwork and get all the administrative, clerical, framework laid before a single service is delivered or program implemented. Its not like that here, I guess they don't have to. In the U.S. you couldn't get the resources to DO anything without the appropriate documentation. But here apparantly you can, and they did. It seems to me they put the horse before the carriage. Its like the old adage: Failure to plan is a plan to fail. And I'm trying to look at things through the lense of their culture. But this is why so many NGO's over here persist for a couple of years or maybe even a decade, but fail to be sustainable in the long term. This organization is only 3 years old. So its very likely that with a good amount of seed money they could have fulfilled everything that they have to this point, but they're money is gone. One of the projects they've given Dillon (since he'll be here for 2 years) is to help them raise money to build another school/community center in Rinconada. But how can he do that with nothing to back up what they are saying they do? How can I get resources for an English teaching program if I can't even tell a foundation what their mission statement is? The answer is I can't.


They say we're going to Rinconada tomorrow. I'm sorry, they THINK we MIGHT be going tomorrow. They told us we would be going there last Friday, and then they said Saturday. I know, I know its a different culture. That they take things veeery slow. But what they don't realize is that there are other things, contructive things I could be doing. People didn't support me to come sit in an apartment all day long every day for the past week. People supported me to serve. And I don't know if that's going to even pretend to start happenning anytime soon.


Its not that I think this was the wrong thing to do, to come here. Like I've said in this and past blogs, there are so many positive things that have already happenned here. But what I am suggesting is that MY plan to stay here may not end up aligning with God's plan for me to serve Him and His children to the best of my ability.


I've thought about what I've been asked to do, in essense raise the funds and resources to get this program up and running. I can do that from the states. All I've been doing is e-mailing and calling people back in the states. Its good that I came, its good that I can see the organization up close. That will make me better able to advocate for them and for resources for them, assuming I ever get the documentation that they promise exists (though I have yet to see). But if I could be doing the exact same thing from the states, while also working at another job where I can use my MSW and be actively serving God's people (like I wanted to do, that's why I became a social worker)...then why not be doing both? Why not be applying for grants and getting resources for this program here while also doing something constructive for my brothers and sisters back home? Now, I'm not saying that I'm leaving tomorrow. I'm definately going to at least get to Rinconada and see what my day to day activities might look like there before I make any drastic decisions. But the more I pray about this, the more God seems to be revealing to me on how I can be most effective for Him and His kingdom. He suprises us sometimes. It doesn't always happen like we would have expected or even would have wanted it to. But we ask for wisdom, and He gives it to us. No doubt about that. I know I would not be having any revelations without God's power and influence in my life.


Another thing I have found on this trip is to take nothing for granted. Do not wait until tomorrow to do what you could do today because life is too short to waste time or relationships. Both are God given. As I was reading my Bible this week, praying praying and praying because I felt I was wasting time: God showed me this scripture. It has stuck in my mind and is really pulling at my spirit.


From James chapter 4:


13Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.





I don't want to waste anymore time, sitting lonely with nothing to do in Puno, Peru. I won't just accept it because I'm told its another culture and I have to adapt. I only follow one culture's set of rules and that's God's. I don't know what to do (though in my heart maybe I do). Just pray, as I am praying, that God not only gives me the wisdom to know what to do, but that He also gives me the STRENGTH AND HUMILITY to do what He leads me to do.





Don't wanna waste my life!

Listen to my profile song: http://www.myspace.com/kc2233

Don't wanna waste my life!





Amen.





Now I don't want this whole thing to sound cynical or anything like that. I'm remaining open to what God wants me to do. So to lighten the mood...check out what I found in my soup. And no its not from McDonald's! lol

More pictures!

http://picasaweb.google.com/cjlandrum/MyJourneyInPeru?authkey=EAcqFe2SdfU#