Leviticus

So I began reading the Old Testament straight through about a week ago. I've never attempted this feat before, always a bit turned off by boredom. But I have heard it said many times, and it is a great point, the Old Testament is the only Bible Jesus had. So though we live in a day where the ultimate sacrifice has taken the place of animals being killed on altars, I still think its important that we, as Christians, read the Old Testament the same way that we read the New Testament.

So I got through Genesis and Exodus and had started on Leviticus when I was having a conversation with my Dad. I was telling him how all the laws were frustrating me. Not only because they were boring, but because they seemed to contradict things that Jesus said. I mean, after Moses came down from a 40 day/night stint on Mt. Sanai with God...he straight up said something like "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth." Then in the New Testament Jesus/God preaches on forgiveness and turning the other cheek and loving thy neighbor as thyself. I know I'm not the first person on earth to question God about these seemingly contradictions. But my Dad had some good advice, he said to ask God to show me how He wants to speak to me midst all these laws and decrees. So I did. I said, "God I don't understand a lot of what I'm reading, but I know you can still use your Word to communicate with me. So show me what you want me to see." No later than 24 hours later I read Leviticus 10:1-3.

Leviticus 10:1-3 illustrated what I've been feeling for the past three weeks or so of this trip. It is very hard for me to say this, because it hurts my pride. But I feel it an important part of this humbling experience that God is putting me through to do so. In addition, hopefully others can use my lesson in their own lives. When God teaches us a lesson it is important we share it with our family of believers because maybe something that broke us down can help a brother or sister from suffering similar painful experiences. I think I know now where I went wrong with the whole trip.

And let me start my saying I'm so thankful that I live in the "New Testament" age of forgiveness and grace, where we have had the ultimate sacrifice atone for our sins and we have a God who works ALL things together for the good of those who love Him and seek Him...even the things that weren't exactly what He would have had in mind in the first place. He has taught me so many things and brought me so much closer to Him on this trip that I'm actually thankful for the fact that I misinterpreted God's will...anything that brings us closer to God we should be thankful for no matter how painful. Not thankful for the pain, but thankful for growing instead it was MY will. I think maybe God wasnt calling me to come here as much as I wanted Him to be calling me here. Thank God for Proverbs 19:21 and Romans 8:28.

Leviticus 10:1-3 in a nutshell: Aaron's sons Nadab and Abihu presented a sacrifice to God that He didnt ask for or decree, and He struck them dead immediately.

They may have been presenting the sacrifice to God with the best of intentions, to worship Him and bring glory to Him...but it wasnt what He asked for. When I read this this yesterday morning, verses 1-3 were the last three verses on the page before I turned the page. I was immediately struck by the story, feeling the parallel with my own current situation. I reread it three or four times before turning the page. Then when I turned the page I realized my Bible had a page long devotional solely about these three verses. I read it and it was as if it was about my exact situation right now. I think I came here with the purest of intentions, to serve God, to worship Him with my life! When I say things to Him like, "I want to praise you not just with words, but with my life," I thought I needed to do something that was extremely difficult and extreme so that I could hold to my word. But I realize now that I thought this was how God wanted me to worship Him with my life, but it was maybe not how God had actually planned it out. Actually, obviously its not how God had it planned out, if it were I wouldnt be coming home in T minus two weeks and counting.

But thankfully we live in the time of mercy and forgiveness and He didnt strike me dead the minute I made an offerring to Him that He didn't ask for. He held me close to Him the whole way through and taught me things. And in the end He will definately will work all things for the good, I trust Him and know it. But as a result of my sometimes competative and compulsive personality, I came here with the purest of intentions...but didn't have the patience to wait on God to show me how HE wanted to use me. Instead I told HIM how I thought He wanted me to use me. I'm paying the price but ultimately this difficult time as brought me closer to my God.

"I know (NOW), O LORD, that a woman's life is not her own;
it is not for a woman to direct her steps."
-Jeremiah 10:23